It's been a stressful year. It started off last year with Alan gone all the time. Though I should be used to it by now, single parenting isn't easy. Then a friend's husband was killed. Then another friend's son was in an accident on mother's day. The day they lost him, I almost lost my Alan. Then there were some painful extended family issues. Then we decided to adopt again and all the stress that comes with that. Then there were some painful interpersonal issues where I had to do what was right regardless of the cost. Then I almost bled to death and had to have emergency surgery. Then there were some other issues. Then Alan started the retirement process. Then the what do we do now and transitioning to life after the Army. Lately the realization that I am going to have to start over again. New house, new doctors, dentists, and salons. No friends. The ugly church search. This morning I was off to the start of what turned out to be another day of stress and issues. I felt like I was circling the drain. I felt like I couldn't do it. Felt the weight of my personal demons, the dross of my own soul. I couldn't see how I could overcome them or even get out from under the weight of them. Powerless, fragile, fearful, unloved, useless, worthless, hopeless. It was then, deep in the recesses of my soul, a small light flickered and I remembered Who's I am.