What Can You Do? Here's My Opinion

When you have cancer, people ask what they can do. They tell you to reach out, but they don't really mean that. It's just a pat answer. Something to say that gives them credit for acting like they care. What can you really do? Pray of course, but call me. On the phone. Don't send some sort of short sentence of facebook. Or stupid text message. Call me and ask how I'm doing and have the time to talk. If I'm too sick to talk I'll surely not answer the phone. Bring a meal by my house. Most of the time I don't have the energy to cook for my family and that makes me feel even worse about myself. Yes, there is the quarantine, but I notice that hasn't stopped most of you from doing whatever you want anyway. Come by and stand 6 feet away and talk to me. Understand that I feel so isolated and feel like no one actually cares. People say all kinds of things, but actions speak louder than words. Do you understand how devastating this has been for me? No, you don't. Please don't tell me stories of others who've had cancer. I don't want to hear them. It isn't helpful. Yes, I have good days and more than the bad ones, but the bad days are really bad and I don't know if I can take any more. Please don't give me pat answers. You don't know what I'm going through. Not one person has asked me how this is affecting me. They ask, "How are you doing"? but they want to hear well or they tell you to go to a support group or send you away to someone else or worse a mental health professional who has to be paid to pretend they care because NO ONE and I do mean NO ONE wants to deal with the reality of what I'm really going through. Not one pastor or chaplain has called me to see how I am. I've had a short facebook message but no calls. People want to be removed from actually interacting with pain and grief. It would be so good to hear someone's voice and to think they actually care. We are all so wrapped up in our own lives that we have nothing to give to anyone else. I can't tell you how many people tell me to keep them updated on my condition. Why? When I do, I don't hear back from you. Why can't you bother to read my facebook page? Why is it my responsibility to update you? Why can't you be bothered to find out? Do you have any idea how hard it is just going from day to day? How hard it is to decide to go from day to day? How easy it would be to stop? How much I want to stop? No, nor will you because you don't actually care enough to get involved. It's my problem, not yours and you don't care. But I'll be the first one you call when it's you, and I don't have the luxury of ignoring you. It isn't in my nature.

And Then They Told Me I Have Cancer

So, we are living here in Germany again.  Last fall I started having trouble with my asthma.  Asthma hasn't really been a big problem for me except the years I lived in New Jersey.  I hate going to doctors and hospitals and clinics so I made every effort to fix it myself.  As a nurse I have a lot of tools at my disposal and tried them all to no avail.  I went in and the PA I saw wasn't really sure, but at my urging we got a chest Xray.  That showed some interstitial problems that were not clearly defined.  So then we got a CT scan to clarify what the deal is and it showed my lungs were fine, but there was a density on my left breast.  So then we got to have a diagnostic mammogram, and and ultrasound and the the radiologist was so great and got out of a meeting he was supposed to attend so biopsy it right then.  So yesterday he called with the pathology results.  As much as deep in my heart I thought it would be cancer, I really thought he would tell me it wasn't.  I can't describe hearing those words.  Unfortunately, it is a malignancy.  It's invasive.  I'm putting in a consult to a surgeon.  My heart stopped.  My world changed.  But God is still in the center of it.  God is good and greatly to be praised!