It's been a stressful year. It started off last year with Alan gone all the time. Though I should be used to it by now, single parenting isn't easy. Then a friend's husband was killed. Then another friend's son was in an accident on mother's day. The day they lost him, I almost lost my Alan. Then there were some painful extended family issues. Then we decided to adopt again and all the stress that comes with that. Then there were some painful interpersonal issues where I had to do what was right regardless of the cost. Then I almost bled to death and had to have emergency surgery. Then there were some other issues. Then Alan started the retirement process. Then the what do we do now and transitioning to life after the Army. Lately the realization that I am going to have to start over again. New house, new doctors, dentists, and salons. No friends. The ugly church search. This morning I was off to the start of what turned out to be another day of stress and issues. I felt like I was circling the drain. I felt like I couldn't do it. Felt the weight of my personal demons, the dross of my own soul. I couldn't see how I could overcome them or even get out from under the weight of them. Powerless, fragile, fearful, unloved, useless, worthless, hopeless. It was then, deep in the recesses of my soul, a small light flickered and I remembered Who's I am.

Taking A Break

Alaina and I are taking a media break this week. We need to get back to basics and commune with God, nature and each other.  See you in a week!

Risky

Today I shared a link on Facebook.  This is something I've done many times before, but today was different.  I linked to a sermon by a former youth pastor of mine.  He has gone on to pastor the largest church in the Springfield, Missouri area and one of the largest in the nation.  He sermon had to do with human sexuality.  It discussed the sin of homosexuality and made no bones about the fact that this is no more of a sin than adultery or drunkenness or cruelty.  I rarely find myself agreeing 100% with anyone and yet today, with him, I did.  I titled this post risky because I have no doubt that posting that sermon will bring me hate mail and lose me friends. I don't want to lose those friends.  I love them, but I will not hide my beliefs out of fear of offending.  I don't really like to be at odds with anyone and yet the Bible tells us that the gospel will bring offense.  So, it was risky to share that sermon.  I think there are many who need to hear it.  I hope that people who actually take the time to listen to it will see that we all, every one of us, struggle with sin of some type.  We don't have to give in to it.  There is hope.  There is help.  There is Jesus.     http://www.jamesriver.org/jra-messages/1485

No Vacay

So we are not getting to go on our trip as planned.  We had planned to go to a wedding in Oklahoma and then see my mom and go to Springfield, MO and then etc.  My car is acting up even after we had the battery replaced.  Yesterday I was out and could not get the side door to the mini van to close.  None of the electronics would close it and it took me a while to get it to release so that I could close it manually.  I simply am not interested in driving hundreds of miles across the desert in a car that I cannot rely on.  So, I don't get to go.  We will make the best of things here and take some time to slow down and enjoy life!

Car Problems

So, my car has been in the shop for over a week now.  It wouldn't start a week ago Saturday and then again on Sunday.  The AAA people ( not a reliable group in my opinion ) said there was nothing wrong with the battery or alternator.  I thought it was the battery and was glad it was under warrenty, but no.  So the car was taken to Firestone.  2 days and they could not figure out what was wrong with it.  So then it was towed to a dealership.  A week there and they could not figure out what was wrong with it so even though they had the printout from the AAA people they decided to test the battery on their equipment.  The battery is dead.  It is supposed to have 800 ???units and it has zero.  That's right none.  You see the battery was a AAA battery and is under warranty so they would have to replace it for free.  Hmmmmm interesting how their equipment said it's fine and it's not.  Plus now we have all the added expenses of Firestone and the dealership.  Alan is going after them to make them pay.  They will really wish they'd just replaced the battery after he gets done with them.  He's not the type to let something go.  Especially if it cost him money.

A Light At The End Of The Tunnel And No It Isn't A Train

Although for a minute there I thought it was.  We've had such a rough time of it since we moved here. Haven't found many friends and then when we think we've made a friend they find out Alan is a field grade officer and we never see them again.  The thing is, we don't care about all that.  We are not the type of people who care what your rank is.  While we have to observe military protocol insomuch as we could not socialize with anyone enlisted who is in Alan's chain of command, that does not include very many people because he has transferred to public affairs.  Public affairs is a small area of the Army and in his current position he doesn't supervise all that many people.  Not like when he was a company commander.

So, back to the light.  We have made friends!  I've met a few lovely ladies who are Godly women - really love the Lord not just that church lady on Sunday business - and they have kids our age!  And they're willing to let them play!  Even though they lead busy lives!  Isn't it amazing!  Alaina has an average of one play date a week at this point!  We have a family of friends coming over next week to jump on the trampoline and play!  Next week is spring break you see.  Then another day we are meeting a group of people at the zoo!  Praise the Lord!  She is getting her need met for playmates and I am getting mine met for grown-up, meaningful conversation!

Murphy's Law - Army Wife Style

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and will do so while your husband is gone.  Couldn't be truer.  The mini-van is not working properly. I got stuck out in public for hours last Saturday when it wouldn't start and AAA took forever to come. They said there was nothing wrong with it.  Said they checked the battery and the alternator etc. I was so very happy to see my husband there when I got home! So of course the next morning it wouldn't start and we missed church.  The guy who came out to start it this time said the same thing, but recommended we take it to a shop to have it looked at since there is something that is draining the battery every night.  Firestone can't figure out what's wrong with it and recommended we take it to the dealership for diagnostic testing.  So, now it's been there for 3 days and they can't figure it out either.  We may be in the market for a new vehicle.  :(  This is especially sad as we may miss a wedding we were really looking forward to.  It's out of town and I can't go and leave Alan stranded with no car.

Alaina's 7th Birthday (Yes, from last summer when I wasn't blogging)

Some pics from my daughter's birthday last year.

Way Back Machine Please!

I don't understand the concept of play dates.  Play date is scheduled.  At my house I get it, at their house I don't.  There doesn't seem to be a protocol.  Do I stay with her?  Can I leave and do other things? Should I leave and do other things?  You know?  Do they want me to stay?  Do they not?   What is the appropriate length of time for a play date?  When I was a kid we just went out and played with the neighborhood kids.   If there were fights or problems we went home.  We worked it out in time and did fine. If you lived farther away, your mom dropped you off and told the other mom when she'd pick you up and there you had it.  Why isn't that so easy anymore?  I wish I could get in Mr. Peadbody's way-back machine and take my daughter back to the 70's when life made much more sense.

Life aint Easy

Living here in El Paso has been hard.  I love the weather and I like our house.  The problem has been a lack of any kind of meaningful friendship.  Those of you (both of you readers) who know me know that I am anything but superficial.  I want to have people I can hang with, do things with and be real with. I don't do shallow and have little desire to hang with people who are about as deep as a puddle. I haven't found that kind of friendship here.  The real friends I have from other places are hearing from me a lot.  I really appreciate them.  No one seems to want to get to know me here.  I can live a solitary lifestyle.  I am completely capable of introverting.  I have a world I can retreat into and it's really quite lovely.  I could do that if I could just find one person to connect with and maybe one little area of ministry.  The other problem is that I am the mother of an extrovert.  She is an only child and really needs kids to play with.  We do gymnastics and cheer and have a home-school group she goes to and church of course, but she needs regular playmates to just pal around with and play barbies and jump on the trampoline with!  This we cannot seem to find. There are kids in the neighborhood,, but they don't come outside.  We tried introducing ourselves and got a door slammed in our face for the effort.  I had a really good excuse, their mail was delivered to us by accident.  They refused to take the mail too.  The next week her husband hit me with his car.  I stopped introducing myself.  Lesson learned.   We find the rare playdate, but mostly I just hear how busy people are.  When do their children play?  I hear about karate and going here and there, homeschool lessons and special classes for this and that, but when do the kids get downtime?  When do they play dress up and cops and robbers?  No wonder they're all fat and in therapy.  They never play!

Fun Shots from the Summer of 2014

World Trade Center Memorial

While we were in NYC last June for the wedding, we had a chance to go to the memorial at the World Trade Center.  It was touching and haunting and crowded and so sad.

Fun Surprise

Our last duty station was at Ft. Leavenworth where Alan attended CGSC which is the Command and General Staff College.  At his graduation in June we were surprised to find Gary Sinese as one of the presenters!

Alaina the Flower-girl!

This past summer Alan's niece was married in New York and Alaina was asked to be a flower-girl!

Through It All

"I've had many tears and sorrows, I've had questions for tomorrow, There've been times I didn't know right from wrong. But in every situation, God gave blessed consolation that my trials come to only make me strong.

I've been to lots of places and I've seen a lot of faces, There've been times I felt so all alone. But in my lonely hours, yes these precious lonely hours Jesus lets me know I am His own.

Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus. I've learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon His word.

I THANK GOD FOR THE MOUNTAINS, AND I THANK HIM FOR THE VALLEYS. I THANK HIM FOR THE STORMS HE'S BROUGHT ME THROUGH. FOR IF I'D NEVER HAD A PROBLEM, I WOULDN'T KNOW THAT HE CAN SOLVE THEM. I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT FAITH IN GOD CAN DO!!!!

Words by Andre Crouch. Song of my heart.

Back to Homeschooling too!

So, when we got here the wife of the man who owns our house was saying something about it being almost time for school to start.  It was mid-July and I felt a bit of irritation with her for rushing things. Where I come from, school didn't start until the end of August or even September, and I'm not one of those mothers who looks forward to her child going back to school.  I miss her when she's gone!  Anyway, I said something about having several weeks yet to which she (a school teacher in the district) quite shocked said no it starts Monday!  Turns out they have year-round schooling here.  They also have uniforms and so our Moving truck arrived on Wednesday and we headed out on  Friday to get school supplies and uniforms!  So Alaina started school.  But it wasn't like the school we'd had at our last duty station.  The school here is so far behind that they were covering things in 2nd grade that she'd done in first.  There were many problems including the fact that the teacher swears at the class, and so we pulled her out to homeschool.  She is doing so much better in homeschooling too!  I love that I can spend extra time on things she needs to work on and less on stuff that comes easily!  I love getting to spend all that extra time with her.  I really missed her when she was at school!

Back to Blogging?

So, fast forward over a year.  When the last picture was posted we lived in Tacoma, Washington and were stationed at Ft. Lewis, then we moved to Ft. Leavenworth and now we are at Ft. Bliss which is in El Paso.  We are the exception to the rule for Army moving.  We are coming up on our 12th anniversary and have moved 10 times.  Yay us.  This constant moving does however prevent one from having lots of clutter in the house.  If I don't need it.  I don't keep it.  I throw bags of stuff out or donate before each move and as I unpack I get rid of bags more.  LOL  God knows me!  I'm normally a pack rat, but I'm just too lazy to keep all that stuff.  And then too, I did marry Mr. Clean, minimalist guy.  I have yet to meet or know anyone that then meets Alan and doesn't say, "Well THAT's not the guy I pictured you with!"  lol  God knew me there too.  Better than I know myself.  So here we are in El Paso.  Let me show you the house we found!  By the way we Got here in July of 2014.