In the past week or so, several of the other bloggers have written about loneliness. Today, I struggle with this. We live on an Army post in Germany. My husband is active duty, but I will post little about him or what he does for security reasons. We are involved in the Church on post, we go out, we are friendly to others, we invite others to do things with us, I volunteer with the Red Cross, Family Readiness Group, Church, I sit on the Board of the spouses club (therefore I am a member and go to all of the functions), I co-facilitate a Bible study with the PWOC, and I substitute teach at the post junior high and high school. So I keep busy, I meet people, my husband and I go out of our way to be kind and helpful to newcomers. I had hoped that by volunteering and getting out and about that friendships would form and fellowship would happen. The problem is that though we invite people they don't accept our invitations. Or, they accept and then decline later by phone. We often hear the others from my husbands office talking about a function they were all at over the weekend or the night before, but we weren't invited. The ladies I know are nice to me when they see me mostly but they don't call just to say hi or talk. They don't come by. The only time my phone rings is when someone wants something from me. They want me to bake for a sale or they want me to do some other kind of work, but its never a social call. A few months ago a lady invited me for lunch. I was so happy and looking forward to it and to getting to know her better etc. We ended up running her errands (in my car) and then she said to me that lunch would have to be a slice of pizza at a take and go bar because she told a friend of hers that morning that she would come over and spend the afternoon with her and she didn't want to be late. I have other things I could share but I think you get my drift. Today 3 different things happened to me along those lines. The third one was the breaking point for me. I came home in tears. I wanted to quit everything I do. The Lord brought to mind a verse that says (paraphrasing) be not weary in well doing. I accept this admonishment from Him. I know that He has a reason for all the pain I've gone through and am going through. I am grateful for my husband that I need not truly be alone, but I long for Christian fellowship. For couple friends that we can hang out with, for girlfriends that call me and I call them and they stop by. . . The Lord has spoken to me and asked me to do all of these things that I do as unto Him and no one else. I will do that. I also spent time thanking Him tonight for all the rotten things that are going on. Not because he did them to me ( He didn't) but because the Bible tells me to give thanks in all things. I have seen over and over how when I have given thanks for things that I'm not particularly thrilled about He shows me why He allowed it and then I am even more grateful.
Yes, I'm still lonely. I still long for friendships and fellowship. It still hurts to be rejected. The difference is that "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."